


I Want You

by doriangay



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, M/M, Mental Illness, Oneshot, mitski - Freeform, only briefly mentioned tho, post-the gang makes paddy’s great again, season 13, yes this is based off a mitski song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 08:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16677829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doriangay/pseuds/doriangay
Summary: you’re coming back // and it’s the end of the world // we’re starting over // and i love you darling // and i am not hereDennis is back (for now) but he’s changed somehow.





	I Want You

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is a little oneshot i wrote based loosely on “i want you” by mitski, or kinda, based on how the song makes me feel? 
> 
> please listen to the song if you care abt macdennis bops because ... whew 
> 
> anyway minor tws for this work, eating disorders are implied and dennis’ mental health is discussed but not in depth!

  
It was well into the early hours of the morning and the gang were the only ones in the bar. Someone, Mac couldn’t remember who, had propped the Dennis doll up in a booth and placed a beer in front of him, whilst the real Dennis was sat at the bar with the rest of the gang, laughing as though he’d never left.   
  
But he  _ had _ left.   
  
Mac rolled his beer bottle between his hands, a pit forming in his stomach. For the past few hours he’d been trying to count the exact number of minutes he and Dennis had been apart, but he was about six beers deep by now, and he’d never been good at maths, anyway. The gang hadn’t seemed to notice that he was thinking; they hadn’t been doing a lot of noticing at all recently. He sighed.   
Hearing his sigh, Dennis turned around and gave him a sharp look. Mac winced, at how gaunt Dennis had become, almost wanting to believe that this was all a bad dream, and that any second now he was going to wake up alone in his bed, sweating and confused.   
“I’m tired, man. We were out late last night.” And then he paused, praying that Dennis didn’t know about what had happened between him, Charlie, Frank and the doll.    
Dennis’ face told him everything he needed to know. “Yeah, whatever, you’re right. Let’s go back to the apartment.” He drained his beer before slamming it down on the bar and standing up. There was a split second where Mac didn’t believe he’d stay upright, he pictured him falling to the floor like a discarded ragdoll, and never getting up again.    
But he stayed on his feet. He looked expectantly at the gang, who were all still seated. Frank and Charlie seemed to have barely even registered him, wrapped up in their own conversation, and Dee was sat with her arms crossed and a large scowl clouding her face.    
Despite looking at everyone else, Dennis avoided Mac’s gaze - Mac tried to will him to look into his eyes, just for a second. He still wasn’t convinced that he was really there, and thought that maybe if he got a proper look at him he’d disappear into a cloud of smoke.    
“Dennis.” He tried, his voice sounding strangely hollow and weak, “uh, we’re gonna have to walk home.”   
Dennis turned on his heel and walked out of the door, throwing a short, “fine,” so casual that Mac felt his heart break. He looked at Dee for an answer, but she only shrugged. Mac saw the same sadness in her eyes that had been there the day after Dennis had left, when they’d sat in the bar all day, just in he came home.   
“You should follow him.” She said bluntly. And he did.   
  
  
  
There wasn’t a single star in the sky that night. There must have been too many clouds, or maybe it was just impossible to see stars from the centre of Philly; Mac remembered Dennis trying to teach him about light pollution when they were in high school, but he still didn’t understand it.   
Dennis didn’t try to explain anything to him now, he was deadly silent. Hands in pockets, head down; Mac had lived with Dennis long enough to recognise the warning signs of his breakdowns, and this was one of them. If he had been brave enough to reach out and place a hand on his arm, he might had felt him trembling.   
“Hey, Dennis?” He said, knotting his fingers together, “it’s Tuesday today, right? If you wanna, maybe we could watch a movie when we get home, or something?”    
Dennis started walking a little faster, but he couldn’t hide the unmistakable sound of his teeth chattering.

“Dude, here,” Mac said, taking off his jacket and holding it out to Dennis, who was still pretending he didn’t exist, “you’ll freeze to death.”   
“Good.” Dennis said, suddenly standing still.   
“No, dude, not good.” Mac tried to hand him the jacket again, but his arms stayed stiffly by his sides. So, instead, he gingerly draped the jacket over his shoulders and stepped back, his stomach twisting itself into knots.   
It was then that Dennis looked him full in the face, and Mac felt as though he’d been paralysed. There was something haunting about seeing him in this way, illuminated by a flickering street lamp, gaunt, pale, so full of rage that he was almost spilling over. Mac wasn’t afraid of him, he’d weathered too many of his outbursts to feel any real fear anymore, but there was something so terrifying in how Dennis was stood there, staring at him blankly, as though he was staring at a stranger.   
“Mac.” He said.

“Dennis.” Mac replied, and held his breath, watching Dennis to see if he’d blink.

“Which way is it, again?” He asked, turning away and shrugging off the jacket; it fell to the floor, landing with a gentle thud that Mac mistook for his heartbeat.

So, he’d forgotten how to get home. “Left.” Mac said shortly, and the two of them carried on walking in silence. Mac didn’t pick up his jacket.

 

Mac remembered the first night after they’d moved into that apartment, just before they bought the bar. It had been warmer then, summer. Dennis had gone out grocery shopping alone, and gotten lost in the dark; Mac eventually found him wandering around a quarter of a mile away, soaked with rain and on the verge of tears. They always did their grocery shopping together after that.

“Do you remember-,” he began to ask, but then stopped short. Of course he didn’t.

 

They were almost home and Mac’s chest was tightening, his brain freezing over. Dennis would lock himself in his room and all the cups of coffee and plates of food Mac would leave outside would go untouched, maybe he would have to break down the door again, maybe - 

Dennis coughed lightly and stopped walking, staring up at a red-brick building. Mac had misjudged it in the dark - they were home. 

He turned to face Dennis, opening his mouth to plead for some kind of explanation, a million questions burning in his chest - where had he gone?  _ Why  _ had he gone, and why had he left him all alone? Was he mad at him because he’d never called?

But before he could even begin to speak, Dennis turned around and took a step towards him, his gaze now solidly fixed on the middle distance behind Mac’s shoulder. His breath was shallow, but he was close enough that Mac could feel it tickling his face. There was something dead in Dennis’ eyes, as though he wasn’t taking in anything he was seeing.

“Dude-,”  Mac was silenced by Dennis’ lips on his. They’d done this before, kissing, but it had never felt like this. It was as though they were both trying to say the same things in the wrong way, both explaining and apologising but both speaking different languages. In a kiss this long, usually Dennis would be the one to take things further, but he stayed stock still, his feet firmly planted on the ground, his hands hovering in front of Mac’s chest, as though there was an invisible barrier between them.

Mac peeked at Dennis from beneath his eyelashes momentarily to see tears trailing down his cheeks; after that he kept his eyes squeezed shut, feeling guilty, as though he’d invaded on something he didn’t know how to be a part of. He wanted to take Dennis’ freezing hands in his and breathe life into him, he wanted to erase everything in the world except the two of them, he wanted to wrap his arms around him and mould him back into the man he knew. But he didn’t have the words to tell him any of this. 

Dennis pulled away wiping at his cheeks and lips and Mac was left wondering who it was he’d just kissed. He reached out, hoping they’d somehow broken a curse, and they’d be able to touch now. Dennis stepped backwards. The curse hadn’t been lifted.

 

“You have the keys.” Dennis said, and his tone was unreadable but Mac didn’t care. He reached into his pocket and pulled his keys out, throwing them at Dennis, who expertly caught them.

“Oh, shit, dude,” Mac said, feigning surprise, “I totally left my jacket back on the street round the corner, you go up and I’ll be, like, five minutes.”

Dennis didn’t react, but turned around and opened the front door, not even turning to look at Mac as he went inside.

 

Mac ran. He ran to where Dennis had dropped his jacket and let himself overflow. He yelled, incoherent, up at the sky (the one without stars), and picked up the jacket, putting it on, despite being burning hot.

His hands felt strangely empty now that he was alone, though he hadn’t been holding anything whilst walking. The air felt thinner, too, as though it had been stripped down and weakened, his lungs kept contracting, his heart kept pumping, there was a throbbing in his head that told him he should have brought a beer with him from the bar.

 

Mac walked home.

Dennis had left the front door unlocked, and the apartment door was cracked open. Mac went inside and Dennis was nowhere to be seen, his bedroom door was shut, and the keys had been thrown carelessly onto the kitchen table. 

Mac pocketed the keys and busied himself in the kitchen; he only had one box of mac and cheese left, and he thanked God that he’d saved it for an emergency. Maybe some part of this had predicted the entire evening, and known exactly how it would end. 

 

He left the mac and cheese outside of Dennis’ room and went to bed.

 

There was an empty plate outside his own bedroom the next morning.

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading! my new chapter fr my fake marriage fic shd be up very soon !! 
> 
> sorry if this was rambly or pretentious or it makes no sense i’ve not slept for ages and i’m just rlly following my feelings rn so


End file.
